All right, I owe you people some exposition into my life. Whether anyone actually reads it or not is up to the discernment of the reader. This will cover a large span of time, so bear with me as I try to make sense of it all.

DISCLAIMER: My mental faculties are not as they once were. My sanity is derived only from moments of lucidity, which happen rarely, this moment being one of them. I shan't waste the opportunity. If articles seem disjointed or out of place, forgive me. I shall do my best to recollect everything in an orderly fashion, but I make no promises, and offer no apologies.

That being said, let us begin.

For those of you who do not know Jimmy Townsend, I will break myself down as my classmates once did. I am a funny, highly intellectual, intelligent, sensible, logical, creative lunatic with a penchant for oddities and the unknown. In public, I am polite, courteous, friendly, and observant. In general, I am kind, caring, compassionate, loving. My strengths lie in my vast repository of knowledge and information I have learned over the years and seek to share with the world. My weaknesses lie in that I am often honest, to the point, offensive, sarcastic, sardonic, satirical, and have been called anything from a smart-ass to a jackass. I have no nicknames, aliases, or stage names. I do not hide behind a veil, I do not keep a mask upon my form. I did at one point. The necessity wore off after some time, the novelty wore off immediately.

Politically, I am what you would consider "insane". I make my decisions based on the facts at hand, the known personalities of the candidates, the state of the Union at that moment in time, the motives for gaining such office, which special interests are involved, and ultimately, whichever one seems to have the most intelligence.

Notice I used the word SEEMS.

Religiously, I see things in an interesting spectrum. Creationists argue that God created the universe. Scientists state the Big Bang created the universe. I posit: God IS the universe, and has been Big Banging and Big Crunching for some time now, an infinite number of times in fact. To me, this explains a lot of fundamental flaws in each argument:

1. God Is Everywhere/God Is Inside of Us/God Sees All - Understandably, if you are both part of the whole and the whole part, it's easy to do all these things. If your very ESSENCE is the universe itself, you can exert influence wherever you please. After all, you can control how your arms and legs move, can't you?

Counterpoint: That would make God non-sentient - I disagree. You are sentient, though things often happen independent of you, while still having control over them. When you are sick, you apply medicine to the area affected. When you itch, you scratch the problem surface. Your body, mind and soul make up who you are as a whole, yet you are only a part of every process involved, while still maintaining your sentience and influence.

2. God creates miracles - See above. Apply solvent to affected area. Some you cannot get to right away, but you always take care of it somehow.

3. God is eternal/God has no beginning and no end - This is true. God, much as the unexplored universe, exists outside the boundaries of space-time. Eons of time can pass without a single result, then suddenly the universe bursts forth. This explains the repeating universe quandary.

Any further theological arguments you wish to have with me, you have my instant messenger. Feel free to send one along. I enjoy discussion.

As for me, and my current status, allow me to share.

I do not drink, smoke, or do drugs. I still live in Pauls Valley. I take care of my grandmother and my disabled father. My fiance lives in England, and it does not look as though i'll be able to afford her coming to live here anytime soon. She also does not wish to take care of my family, which I understand. I have taken care of them since my grandfather died, almost 9 years ago. I have been held within a mental institution for several months in the past for my mental health issues.

Social Anxiety
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Manic Depression
Clinical Depression
Schizo-typical to full Schizophrenic
Borderline Personality Disorder
Antisocial Personality Disorder
Sociopath Tendencies

This list may scare many people. Again, I make no apologies. I was eventually taken off of my medication, and told to follow up with counseling and group therapy. None of these seemed to help the disorder, and the few that were around soon closed up shop. Soon after, it became nearly impossible to pay the costs associated with such help, and I soon fell into debt.

I have no friends. None. I have no support group. I go to work, come home, and stay inside, fearful of something outside setting me off into a frenzy of insanity. Each day, my mind degenerates further into a sort of premature Alzheimer's, losing bits and pieces of my fragmented reality.

I cannot remember things anymore. My short-term memory is nearly completely gone, while my retained long-term memory is rewriting itself, facts and details changing minute to minute. I do not remember large phases of time, and often have blackouts, where I do not remember how I got there or what I was doing. My mind is degenerating. Neurons and synapses are shutting down. I am developing symptoms of Alzheimer's Disease at the age of 24. My Intelligence Quotient (IQ) was once at 187. It has now dwindled, since my last testing, to 124.

I CAN BARELY EVEN DO BASIC MATH ANYMORE. I was once able to chart entire calculus formulas in my head. Now it is a struggle to uphold my multiplication tables.

My motor functions are suffering. I am stuttering more and more these days, even after my college rhetoric classes. I am accident-prone, often stumbling over my own feet at times. I shake from time to time, unable to keep still. The voices I hear inside my own mind act as advisers, each one giving a contradictory statement to the other.

I see an infinite number of realities, an infinite number of universes with infinite possibilities of infinite choices of infinite scenarios of infinite proportions. And I see them all at once, just as plain as I see this monitor in front of me. I see them alongside this reality, and as a part of this reality. I can see events take place that did not happen here, but are happening in real-time in one of these realities.

I fear I am truly going mad. My mind, the one thing I have struggled to preserve in order to help others, is failing me.

I had a concussion in college, which alludes to the brain damage which caused this loss of mental faculty.

I was rigging the stage lights for the theater production, when the rope slipped from my hands, I tripped, and the lights fell onto my head. I woke up in the hospital, with the news that I had suffered major trauma, and damage to specific parts of my brain, namely near the temporal lobe.

My sanity is withered, my patience thin, and my living very careful. I wish, deep down, that perhaps I stay in a mental institution. At least then, I would be of no harm to anyone, have plenty of food and lodging, and would truly be able to seek help for my conditions, and while possibly not improving them, perhaps allowing me to live with them.

Then again, perhaps I am already mad.

I leave that, gentle reader, up to you to decide.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading. Feel free to comment. I need to hear from other human beings.

To the ones I have known through my life: I have never forgotten any of you. And while many have you have gone your separate ways, I implore you, do not allow your tenuous grasp on friendships wither. You will deeply regret it, and the moment will be lost to you for good. Love and friendship are the two things one must hold dear, lest we lose ourselves in the world.

Do me a favor. Call up someone you haven't talked to in ages, and just...chat. Arrange to meet sometime. See if the friendship is still there. If not, feel free to move on. If so, however, grasp it, and hold it like a tender child. For compassion and empathy are what separate us from primal instinct.

Never forget that I love you all, even if we did not get along so well in the past. I'm always here if anyone needs advice, or information.

I miss my sanity.

My lucidity is almost gone. I wish you all the best. Do not forget: It is not about how you treat your friends, it is how you treat your foes.

Have a wonderful rest.